Okay, so I completely failed at NaNoWriMo. Aside from the one day I wrote, the only other progression made was writing an outline. That is extremely unusual for me. What I did write was horrible and to be honest, I wasn't even feeling the outline too much.

After some thought and a discussion with MSatch, I was able to figure it out. This story is BORING! There is nothing spectacular and great and page turning and don't want to even put this book down exciting about this story. It needs something to make it great and I don't know what that is yet.

I felt like in the natural progression of my characters that this story should be next in line. All of my characters are connected in some way. I felt that in order for the reader to get to know these people and want to read about their lives that I would need to write their stories in a particular order. But MSatch pointed something out to me, people don't buy books in order! And I'm thinking as long as the connection is clear, the reader won't care about the order.

So, I'm going to get over this obsession with order and focus on the writing. There are plenty of other stories that I've outlined that are ready to be written. Why hold myself up because I wanted this story to be 2nd and it's not ready?

Featured this month

Featured this month at The House of Blerotica is the latest story I've written entitled Arousal.

Check it out and let me know what you think. Visit the "Contact Us" page to sign my guestbook, leave feedback and contact me via email.

NaNoWriMo update

Well....I'm doing well. lol! This was already a novel I was having trouble getting back started on but putting this short time frame to it is the pits.

My main problem is finding the time and motivation to work on it. Today is the first day I've written anything. Sad to say, I'm not impressed by what I've written. It feels really dry and uninteresting. I'm in this weird place of I want to write but don't know what to write. Not like I'm blocked but I just don't know what to say and how this story should go. I didn't think this was going to be difficult to write.

It could be that lack of sleep is keeping me from being able to creatively focus. Last night was the only night I've slept well all week and that's because I slept at my bestie's house instead of my own.

So remedies for this situation: I'm going to write an outline ASAP. I've never needed one so early in a novel. Not sure if that's good or bad but I won't be able to write another word without one.

Challenge

I was introduced to a writing challenged. It's been around for years and is held every November. It's a month long challenge to write a novel in one month. The name of this event: Nation Novel Writing Month (nanowrimo).

Although a bit nervous about taking on a task such as this, I'm excited because it's going to give me a chance to push myself and write under a deadline. Also, it will give me a serious jumpstart on my next novel. Well, actually, I've started writing some of it but not very much at all. I don't intend to write this with the mindset that it is a completely written work. It's will be an extremely rough first draft. I don't even have a detailed outline written.

I guess this seems like a pending disaster without an outline but maybe this will be my outline! LOL! Either way, this will be a pretty fun challenge and I'm excited to start writing.

Update

Okay so as promised, here is the link to MSatch's story: Every Thursday. Go read and leave her some comments!

Research

I'm trying to research some things about website advertising, publishing and looking for forums that I can post comments on (only b/c I want to use my web address as the signature which will hopefully generate some interest). All of this is overwhelming. I don't really know where to start and there is so much stupid info out there that I don't know what sites are even worth looking at.

How do I begin to weed out the bs from the truth?

Dancing in the streets...

for MSatch. My best friend and a brilliant writer of chic lit. She sent a short story off to an online magazine who loves and will be publishing it. She even got a paycheck!

Unfortunately, I'll have to take the story off of THOB but that's not that big of a deal. She's moving forward and I'll be happy to relinquish the story.

I'll post the link to her publication as soon as I get it. In the meantime, check out more of her writing in the Oh the Drama section of THOB.

The business

Clearly need to do more to promote my website but I don't know what to do. I've never been very "business-minded." I guess I'm more of the let me lock myself in a room to write, pass the manuscript under the door and start writing another, while someone else takes care of the rest.

That's bad. But I just don't have what it takes to do the business stuff. I need someone to swoop in and take over the site and get my work noticed by more people. I'm feeling very unhappy with the lack of career I have. Have to make changes. What do I do?

Feeling myself while I suffer for my art

So I said before that I was getting a lot of creative energy flowing and I was loving it because it has me writing and producting ideas like crazy. I've figured out why I'm feeling so creative. I'm an erotic person, hence my love for erotic literature. I have been going through a slight drought due to my standards of not sleeping with just anything. I have standards that I proudly adhere to.

Lack of sex = always horny
Always horny = always thinking about sex
Alwyas thinking about sex = a lot of creatively erotic thoughts

I could proactively go out and get my itch scratched but I'm enjoying channeling this energy into my work. Actually, I love channeling this energy. I think for now, I'll just let the flow continue.....but damn, this itch is something terrible.

So many thoughts...

and they are all so erotic. I have been flooded with the urge to write and so much of it is hitting me at once. I've started writing quite a few things over the past couple of days, as well as making notes to myself about a bunch of other stuff. I love when this happens because I get so many ideas. The only draw back is so much is hitting me, I can't stay focused on one idea long enough to get more than a few paragraphs, some times only sentences, written down before I have a completely different thought to jot down. I can't even be upset about that though because I'm so in love with writing and getting new ideas. It's 5:17am and I'm about to force myself to go to bed and stop writing.

I did, however, manage to write this one peice in about ten minutes. I think I was only able to finish because I wrote it so fast. Anywho...check this out: Arousal

The Key

I gave the key to my heart to the one whom I thought deserved it.
I was devastated when he walked away with it.
I thought I'd lost it forever....
God advised me that I'd never had the key,
He'd given it to the who deserves it long ago.
He will be the only one to unlock my heart and free my soul....

Tickle Me Tuesday

I've decided to add something a little new to the blog called Tickle Me Tuesday. You will get a sampling of a HOB story. Just enough to tickle your fancy and give you that wonderful tingling sensation.

Here's your first Tickle..

Dining Out

I didn't want to go out but he insisted. He brought me to my favorite restaurant so I couldn't complain. It had been months since the last time we'd been here. I loved the romantic atmosphere. The low lights, soft music, secluded booths draped in burgundy table cloths. It always felt like we were the only ones dining even when every table was occupied.

He was looking good in his casual attire. A tan, long-sleeved knit shirt that hugged his muscular arms and chest. Dark brown khakis and loafers the same color. The colors looked good against his dark skin. The deep waves in his low-cut were perfect as always. He looked directly into my eyes and smiled. My heart melted. Everything about this man was beautiful.

I slid into the booth first, holding the cotton fabric of my red sundress so that it wouldn't trail behind me. The low-cut gave him a good view of the breasts he loved to play with. He sat beside me and wrapped his arm around me.

"Isn't this better than sitting in the house eating pizza?"

"That's not all I wanted to do in the house." I winked at him.

"What else did you have in mind?" he asked smiling.

I placed my hand on his thigh and asked, "What do you think?"

His smile got bigger. "So that's what we're doing after dinner?"

"We'll see."

The waiter brought menus and took our drink orders. As the waiter walked away, I started caressing his thigh. He smiled at me. My hand moved higher and he frowned a little bit.

"What you doing down there?"

"Nothing." I smiled innocently. My hand moved higher and rested on his crotch. He shifted his hips and looked around nervously. I started massaging his crotch. His penis started pulsating against my hand, getting harder with each throb.

"Stop playing," he said in a low voice.

"I'm not playing." I continued to massage the thick bulge in his slacks. I opened the menu with my free hand and started reviewing the selections. "The shrimp scampi looks good."

He opened his menu and stared at it but didn't comment.

"What are you going to get?" I asked. I squeezed his hard flesh.


He cleared his throat before saying, "I'm not sure."

"You always get the same thing." I stopped teasing him and he sighed loudly. I laughed to myself, he thought I was finished. I pulled down his zipper.

He grabbed my wrist, "For real, baby. Stop playing."

I ignored him and shoved my hand into his pants. He rarely wore underwear so there wasn't any other clothing to maneuver around. I wrapped my fingers around his silky smooth, hard flesh. His jaw flexed as his clenched his teeth. I moved my hand slowly up and down his shaft. He looked down at the menu as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. I circled my thumb over the head, smearing the precum that had leaked out. He grunted. I pulled my hand out of his pants, bring his penis with me. I let him go and brought my thumb to my lips. I looked at him as I sucked his precum off my thumb. His mouth dropped open.

Want more?

Progress

I just posted the new story I wrote entitled Loan Shark. Some of the changes from "The Creator" to "The Madam" have been done. I changed the wording on the site, now, I just need to rewrite the bio to make it flow with the changes.

In other HOB news, I am STILL trying to write these 2 series for the site. I was working on one the other day but hit a wall. Not writer's block. Somehow, I've lost part of what I wrote. I have a tendency to write things in numerous places. My laptop, phone and a few notebooks. I distinctly remember writing a section of the story but have no idea where it is. I know I had to have written it because I've written a lot after that section. I looked for a few days but to no avail. So, I kept writing where I left off. I'll go back and fill in the blank. I intended to get a lot more of it done this weekend but there was so much going on. I will work hard to finish this story before this weekend hits.

Finally....

got the power cord for my laptop! Yay me! Now I'll be able to update The House of Blerotica. I need to add a new short story. Actually, I'll probably add two. I will also make the changes I talked about before, however, I think that will also call for a change to the info I have on that page.

Also, now that I have my laptop back, I'm going to start work on another novel. Yes, I could have done it on the other computer but somehow, I feel more comfortable writing when I have my own. Well, either on my laptop or on my wonderful Windows Mobile phone. (I used the phone for most of the writing I did while my laptop was down.)

Okay, enough of my random 5am, just getting home from work posting. But I'll be sure to update once I've gotten some of the changes and additions done to the website.

I'm bummed

Well, only a little. I've written a cool short story. It's about a woman with the power to make a man cry at her feet and fear for their lives. If I knew more about the profession I created for her, I'd be tempted to make it a full length novel. Anywho, I wrote it and want to post it on my website.

So why haven't I just posted it? My personal laptop is DEAD. Okay, that's a bit dramatic. I broke my power cord, the battery is dead, and I have yet to be able to scrape the funds together for a new one. Because of this, I've been sharing a computer which does not have the software to update my website. *sigh*

I also want to change some things on the website. Like instead of calling myself The Creator, I'm thinking of calling myself "The Madam." Isn't that cool? Well, I think it is. For those of you who don't know, a madame is the proprietor/owner/pimp of a brothel (whore house). Granted, I'm not pimping out girls, but I am giving the masses access to a house of sex, adventure, excitement and so much more. And I just think "Madam Renise B of The House of Blerotica" sounds sexy and enticing.

Have to get a new power cord asap!

the smooth melodic tempo of his heart Serenaded my soul,
while the sensual rhythmic beats of his intellectual cadence Seduced my mind

maybe with Jesus as my DJ and God his Producer,
his song will be remixed with my Neo-Soul.
it could be the most beautiful song only we can hear
we'll dance until they say the song is over

Kinda Creepy

So, I'm on Facebook last night and write a status that says I just finished watching my favorite tv show and that I'm about to write some erotica. A guy I used to work with responds with something funny. This particular guy is not attractive to me although I was not oblivious to the fact that he was attracted to me. He was a pretty cool guy though so we used to hang out at work.

Getting to the point, he sends me a instant message asking the following question: "Do you get turned on by the things you write?" Followed by him explaining he has always wanted to ask someone who produced adult content this question. Good question, imo. I tell him yes. If it doesn't turn me on then how could it turn on my readers? He tells me he has writen a few of my stories even though they are marketed to his race. He likes them. I, being the vain artist that I am, love hearing this. Then he asks if I have ever stopped writing to take care of the horny feelings that occur. I've been asked this before and thought it also a good question. My response is no, I wait until after so that I don't break my thought process and lose the flow that I'm in.

Now for the creepy. He tells me that he's jacked off a few times while reading one of my stories. I'm feeling like eeewww dude! I know we cool but did I really need to know that? I respond with an "oh, ok." Then he goes even further with: I like knowing that you rub one out to your stories just like I do. We're both doing it, you know." Ok, now that even creepier b/c I can just picture this guy reading Silk, picturing me and him in story, jacking off, and wondering if I'm "rubbing one out" while he is.

I know this is pretty a much a "goes with the territory" kind of thing. I wouldn't be creeped out if it was some random fan sending an email. But I know this guy. Worked with him for months. Have his cell phone number in my phone. It's just creepy!

The Obsession

I got my novel back today from my editor (yeah I'm trying to make that sound all fancy like I'm a professional. My best friend has an English degree therefore she edits my stuff. lol! Can't knock a girl for trying.). She did a great job I must say. She caught little things that I didn't see and major things of course.

I have problems with descriptions and she made a few notes on how I can improve those. I was really excited when she pointed out places where my descriptions were really good. And when she pointed out things that she found really funny. So now I've just got to make some changes and my book will be ready for sale.

For a preview of The Obsession click here.

It figures

that I would feel the inspiration to finish one of the series I'm working on and I have to leave the house in 5 minutes. smh....

Disappointment

Okay, so I said I was over the whole writer's block thing and was going to finish the two series I was trying to write. Well, since then I have written....nothing. Let me clarify, not nothing. I did finish a short story that I started a long time ago which I will be posting in a few minutes. But I haven't felt motivated to finish writing the two I really want to write. Not sure what is wrong with me. I'm not sure what I need to do to fully motivate myself. I read one of the stories and just end up staring at the screen. I'm irritated with myself. So I'm going to do the second part of the writer's block quote and just start writing. Once I'm done, it may flow but it may help me redevelope the flow I orginally had on those stories. We'll see what happens.....

Black people and Books

One of the things that attracts me to people is their interest in the arts. I would much rather have a conversation with someone who can talk about something other than what horrible song they heard on the radio or what show they watched on television. (Actually, one exception with television. I have a friend who frequently watches the History Channel and Discovery Channel and thus engages me in some interesting conversation. He's even got me watching those channels more often.) Life just seems better when art is involved. You are learning while enjoying yourself.

Me being a writer, I love books. Reading has always been my favorite past time. Depending on the book, I will pass up going out with friends to finish reading. I always ask people what they've read recently. Some people I don't even have to ask because they will tell me in the course of a conversation. The one answer I despise most is "I don't read," followed by a look of disgust or confusion that I actually asked that question. Once I hear this answer, I look at that person different. A lot of times I'll asked, "What do you mean you don't read?" while giving them the same disgusted or confused look. Not that I'm trying to be funny but I actually don't get it when people say that.

How is it that the only thing you've read are books you were required to read to graduate high school? Why don't people take an interest in reading anything at all? Read something. Why let your brain go to waste once your graduate? It's ridiculous! It's all the more dissapointing when I hear a black person saying this. There is so much you can learn. I'm not saying go out and read an encyclopedia. Go to the bookstore and read something you find interesting. Stop relying on "the movie version" to learn something. Read the book. It's far more interesting.

White people have published articles stating that Black people and our communities will continue to be oppressed and in the sad state they are in because we do not read. Instead of reading, learning, and utilizing the skills we could learn, we watch tv, go shopping, and do everything but build each other up. Why not give your child a book instead of sitting them in front of the television?

Those who are successful, move away from the community and never look back unless they find some type of benfit to themselves such as a tax break. Why not build up the community and teach the children how to be better individuals. A better individual will lead to a better group of people. This group can then rebuild the community and it's people, leading to a better financial state and way of living for our people.

We have to help ourselves and the first step is to learn how. Pick up a book.

Struggling

There are two stories that I've been working on for a while. They are both short stories but they are going to be written as series. 2 different series. The first one actually shouldn't even be that difficult. It's a pretty simple story. 2 characters. It's only a series because it's too long to match up with the length I prefer the shorts to be. I try and keep a short story 3 pgs or less because I feel it makes them easier to read online and there isn't too much detail (this allows the reader imagination to kick in). I'm a little upset with myself for not having finished this one. It's not an issue of writer's block since I no longer believe in that. I think the issue is I'm just not feeling creative when I look at this story and I'm not sure how I want to end it. When I pull this story up on my computer, I literally just stare at it. Not good. But I will write this one b/c I love the concept of the story and I am determined to finish it. I will finish it.

The second series is actually difficult. I can do it but I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around it. I'm working with 6-8 characters whom I have spent a great deal of time developing. They are very diverse in personality as well as culturally. The concept of the story was easy to come up with but I had to write guidelines to allow it to work and it also helped set up story lines. I have guidelines and characters. I thought that would be the hardest part. But now, I actually have to write this. I have a clear idea for two of the stories. The first will be basic, nothing special. Just giving the reader an idea of how it all works. The second has a clear story and purpose but will have the added difficulty of writing a three-some scene. I've never done it before. I want to have 3-4 stories before I start putting this on the website. I'll also have to create an entirely new section on the website because it won't be able to just be added to the list of Blerotica Stories. I'm going to have to design a new section and that means redesigning the website a little bit. Lots of work but worth it.

Hopefully I can just get these things done without talking myself out of doing it. I know I can do it, I just have to do it. Maybe I need to give myself deadlines.

Stop Fronting

One thing that drives me crazy is people who lie when there is absolutely no reason. If you lie for a reason fine, you had a reason, but otherwise stop it. I am thoroughly irritated by people, females to be specific, who lie about their sex drive. I am not ignorant to the fact that there are many women in this world who have little to no desire to have sex for multiple reasons. I feel sorry for them and hope there is a cure to be found for them. This lack of sex drive is due to physical or psychological issue that no one should have to deal with.
Then there are women who have a perfectly normal sex drive and claim not to want or enjoy sex. They makes claims that they don't have a high sex drive because sex is not important to them, the just don't feel like it, or they only do it because they know men expect them to. Granted, there are some women who really feel this way but for those who don't, why are you saying this? Do you think it makes you appear feminine, virtuous or innocent by claiming not to want/like sex? Do you think a man will want you more because your sex drive is less than his own?
In case you missed the memo, let me advise you: No one want to be with someone who doesn't want to have sex with them. Why would someone want to be with you when you claim you have no sex drive. This just means that in dating you, that person doesn't get to have sex...and maybe it's just me but that SUCKS! It doesn't give the appearance of innocence, virtue or any other thoughts of purity. It makes you look frigid and inexperienced.
And for those who love sex and pretend not to, you show that you lie for no reason. Prime example, is a woman who says she doesn't want to have sex but keeps going to spend the night at a man's house who has a high sex drive. Why? Especially if you know every time you go over there you will have sex with him. If you didn't want to do it, you wouldn't put yourself in the situation. I came across this very situation this week. My friend has a high sex drive and also a rule that if a female spends the night at his house, he's getting some. Point blank, simple. I am exempt from the rule as are more family than friends. So I go over to his house one night and a female who frequently claims she hates sex and only has it b/c she feels obligated to do so is there. Mind you, she spends the night at his house frequently. We are sitting on the bed, watching tv and she starts yawning and stretching and saying "oh man, i'm soooo tired" and other things like this. Clearly dropping the hint that she wants me to leave so she can get some of that dick. But wait a minute, if you don't like sex, why are you so pressed for me to leave?
So I'm laughing to myself and just to be bitchy, I stay another 30 minutes. My friend and I are laughing about it because we both see through this bullshit routine she is putting on. To me, it wasn't her trying to drop hints that irritated me though, it was how often she's always complaining about not wanting to have sex. Every time I see her, she tells me about how she hates it and all her reasons behind it. STOP LYING! Clearly you like to fuck! I've heard her head game is great and you put yourself in the situation on a regular basis. Stop fronting and just admit that you like to fuck! Nobody is going to look at you differently or even care for that matter. It's normal to love sex. Just accept the little bit of freak you got in you and keep it moving. I'm not saying stand on the roof tops and shout it out but leave your inhibitions behind and enjoy yourself.

Mix it up a little bit

One of my friends keeps asking me to write interracial erotica. He is of mixed heritage and as dated practically every nationality. His dick doesn't discriminate. It's a beautiful thing. I have no problem writing on a subject or whatever it is my friends/readers ask me to write about. I ask everyone if they want a particular aspect written into a story, tell me and I will do it. Gotta give the people what they want!

So I was writing a story that I hadn't finished yet. I was asking his opinion on it and read him the part that was written. He provided his feedback and again asked when I would write an interracial story. I told him about a series of stories that I have been working on and described the people (one is actually based off of him). His response was essentially, yeah that's cool but when is it gonna be on the website so it can be read. Hhhmmm... good question. The series is taking longer than expected, partially due to the difficulty in writer's block and also not knowing how I want to execute the entire thing. I didn't plan it too well when I started.

We get off the phone and I'm back to writing. The story seems to be getting a bit stale so i decide to take his advice. One problem, I've never been in an interracial relationship and I feel like I'm not prepared to accurately write about one. Not that this short story was going to have major detail. It would at the max be 3 pages long. But still, I felt like I was not the correct person to be doing this. So I figured I'd start off with something interracial but not at the same time. I made the character Creole.

That in itself turned out to be pretty difficult because there is no Creole to English dictionary. So I pieced together some words and hope it makes sense to someone who actually speaks Creole. I really enjoyed writing Her Scent for a lot more reasons than this but I'm sure this will be a good start to expanding my writing skill and knowledge.

Writer's Block

I didn't realize how long it had been since I originally posted something here. That maybe because I went through a bit of a writer's block. A couple of things cured that. The first being somewhat reunited with an old friend who has been working out a lot. To say he has a nice body is an understatement. Seeing that body spurred me to write a few shorts which I will soon add to The House of Blerotica. I think I found my new muse. More on that later.

The second was a quote that I will share from a movie. Sorry but I don't remember the name of the movie. "I don't believe in writer's block. I just keep writing until it starts making sense again." That may not be the exact verbiage but close enough. I love this quote because a writer can write 24/7 but it may not feel right to them. That's writer's block. You feel blocked off from the truly creative part of yourself and what you're writing is a lesser version of your greatness. How one deals with this determines how long you stay blocked.

I notice that when I don't like what I'm writing, if I completely stop writing, I won't write again for weeks, maybe even a month or two. If I'm determined to finish something by a certain time, I'll keep writing. Eventually it will start to flow and I will later go back to fix what I don't like. My best friend/editor pointed out that this is also the whole point of the editing process; to fix what does not flow with the rest. So from now on, I will write by the above quote and just keep writing.

False Praise

I've come to learn that people say a lot of things they "agree" with because that is what they think you agree with. A friend was referred to my website and decided to call me to discuss my writing career. He talked about how he believed I would one day have works published in University English book to be studied and went on and on and on in that direction. He talked about how real my website was and wonderful the writing was. I listened intently to his monologue before calling him on his crap. He didn't actually read my stories, he read enough of the welcome page to reference what he thought were a few key phrases and went from there. If he had read the site, he would have known that you will never find a story like Late Night Craving in any University book. He would not have said what he thought a writer wants to hear. He would have said something like I would be a best seller and horny men/women everywhere would sing the praises of the brilliant Renise B. Yes, this is a conceded thought but I'm an artist, that's how I am. When I broke that down to him, he admitted to not having read the site, but only reading the introduction. We artists are a sensitive people. We love praise but dislike false attempts especially when you aren't even familiar with our work. If you want to make me happy, the best thing to do is actually read my work.

Or lack thereof

I am one of the many African American erotic writers who is attempting to make themselves known in the literary world. Browsing the internet to check for blogs, websites etc. is something I do on a regular basis. I want to know what's out there being written and try to get an edge over those writers. One thing I've found interesting is the lack of written material on the internet. Let me rephrase, there is PLENTY of erotica on the web, but it is mostly Caucasian. The web is full of websites, blogs, short erotic stories, news articles, associations for writers and readers, the list goes on but rarely include Black people. Everything I've come across has a large picture of a White couple in a romantic embrace.

The exception would be Zane's website which isn't as great as it used to be since it was reconstructed. The "Featured Erotica" page still says "coming soon." Sure the page with Zane's stories is nice but if you are a fan then you own/have read her books and have therefore already read those stories. Other sites that I have come across feature stories written by aspiring writers, whom I respect, but are extremely difficult to locate. I guarantee if you Google "african american literotica" you will not find a single link to a website that actually contains any. Next, try searching "african american erotica." This will actually take you to links for/by Black people. A big improvement from the first search. However, they are mainly sites that sell/review books.

So where do readers turn when they want to read short erotic stories written for and by African Americans? My completely biased suggestion would have to be to visit The House of Blerotica at http://www.blerotica.com/. You will find numerous short erotic stories, updated bi-weekly, for your reading pleasure. There are also stories that are a bit more tame but just as exciting written by the talented M. Satch. With hours of reading material, this site will finally give us hot, erotic literature where the main characters look like us!